Twilight Zone Member asks London A: What to do when your best friend dates your ex?

Dear London A: My best friend and I have been friends for a couple years. She met a guy some months ago and they have been dating exclusively for the last two months. Since things had gotten serious between her and her beau, she felt it was time for me to meet him. I showed up at the restaurant to meet my BFF and her new boyfriend. As I approached the table where they were sitting, I realized I know this man; a little too well, might I add. Her new boyfriend is my ex-fiancé! I almost died where I stood. He and I ended our engagement bitterly four years ago and although she knows the story of my breakup, I never told her his name. I was too shocked to tell my best friend who he was; and by his reaction, he was too. He and I greeted each other like we had never met before. I then endured a gut-wrenching two hour dinner, while my best friend gushed over him. I am over our breakup, but have no desire to be friends with him. How do I now tell my best friend the truth? Also, how do I deal with her new relationship with my ex? Sincerely, Twilight Zone Member

Dear Twilight Zone: There is no easy way of telling your friend the truth after you perpetrated a lie. Just tell her the truth as soon as possible. Waiting too long implies you have something to hide. I suggest you go to her and bluntly tell her that her man is your ex. Follow that up with explaining to her how your shock paralyzed your ability to think clearly. Ask her for her forgiveness for not speaking up at that time. At no time should you give your opinion on whether her man, your ex, should have told her; nor should you comment on anything that he did wrong while you two were together. Who he was to you may not be who he is to her; and frankly, he is no longer your business. The way you deal with their relationship is deciding that your happiness for her outweighs your dislike for him. If she decides to stay in a relationship with him and he makes her happy; focus on her happiness. Friendship is about support, whether you agree with her decision or not. Smooches!

Image courtesy of: http://brokenrelationshipguide.com/relationships/best-friend-dating-ex-girlfriend-quotes/

Do you have questions for London A? Send them to AskLondonA@hauteis.com and get them answered.

 

Illustration by Nicole Stowers


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