Mr. Brand New asks London A: How do I merge my new life with my old friends?
Dear London A: I have a couple of buddies, “Dave” and “Steve” that have been my friends since grade school. The three of us have been through it all and have always remained close like brothers. None of us have ever been in a serious relationship and unfortunately never took any of the women that have come in and out our lives seriously. I guess you can say we loved playing the field. Because of this, I was convinced all three of us would be bachelors for life. This all changed a year ago when I met a beautiful woman with whom I am in a committed relationship. She is indeed perfect for me and is everything I never even knew I wanted or needed in my life. My problem is that she just recently told me that at a party I threw over the Christmas holiday, my friend Dave started making jokes about my relationship with her to her face. She told me he said that I am not faithful to her and that I act fake when she is around. Of course this upset my girlfriend to the point where she doesn’t trust me anymore. I am completely shocked that he would blatantly lie on me to my girlfriend. I admit, I was never a faithful person in the past, but I definitely am now. I stopped speaking to Dave, because I was so upset. However, I know I have to eventually settle this situation because – as I previously said, he is like a brother to me. How do I confront him and convince my girlfriend that I am no longer the old me? Sincerely, Mr. Brand New
Dear Mr. Brand New: It sounds like Dave needs a refresher course in Friendship 101; because he is clearly breaking all kinds of Bro-Codes in this situation. In Dave’s defense, I’m going to assume you have not had the formal talk with your two best friends about how your girlfriend has changed your bachelor–for –life status. Because if you did, Dave would not have felt so comfortable telling your girlfriend such hurtful information; whether it’s true or not. My advice is to talk to him and tell him first how you feel about your girlfriend, and how you are no longer using and throwing away women like disposable paper towel. Follow that up with telling him what he said to your girlfriend was completely untrue and it has affected your relationship with her. I wouldn’t end the friendship you have with Dave all, just because he acted like an idiot. You used to be an idiot right along with him; so don’t punish him forever, just because you grew up first. As for your girlfriend not trusting you, tell Dave to apologize to her and to tell her the truth. He’s the one that made this mess! If that doesn’t work, convince her by your actions. I’m sure over time she will realize the vast difference between you and Dave; and how you are now, is nothing like you used to be. Smooches!
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Illustration by Nicole Stowers