Mr. Pay Your Own Way asks London A: Who should pick up the tab?
Dear London A: I would love to know what your view is about ‘going Dutch’ on dates. When I am dating a woman and getting to know her, I believe we should both pay our own way. Most of the women I have dated in the past have not had a problem with splitting the dinner or drink tab. However, the women I have encountered in recent months have turned up their noses to the thought of reaching in their purse to pay for anything. The reason I have held fast to the Dutch method is because I am a wealthy guy who doesn’t want to date anyone who is only after a free meal. I let the women I date know up front that I don’t sponsor anyone’s steak and lobster on the first few dates; and all meals will be paid for by the person who eats it. Of course this sounds more harsh when typed out. But in real life, I do say this verbally with tact (to not offend) and with humor to eliminate tension – but also with a slight underlining of seriousness so there is no surprise when the bill is delivered and divided equally, of course. I am not asking you to convince me to change my ways. I just want to know what the word on the street is nowadays, about ‘going Dutch.’ Sincerely, Mr. Pay Your Own Way
Dear Mr. Pay: My view about ‘going Dutch’ is simple; the decision is up to the two parties involved. Some women don’t mind it and some women do. I appreciate you dropping the Dutch bomb up front so the women have a choice whether to keep the date or opt out. What I am more concerned with is your need to have to put women through a test just to figure out if they are interested in you or only your money. When you create a scenario where in order to date you, a woman must comply with your split-the-check method, she may choose to bow out; not because of the audacity of you asking her to pay her way, but because of the audacity of you assuming the dictator role. Why should you get sole authority on how the date should be funded? Is this method up for discussion or is it more like your word is the law? No shade, just asking. You shouldn’t blame the woman’s strong rejection to ‘going Dutch’ solely on her possibly being an undercover gold-digger. It could be possibly that she was raised to be a different kind of woman than what YOU are looking for in a mate. Smooches!
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Illustration by Nicole Stowers