Pink-Slipped BFF asks London A: How do I get over breaking up with my best friend?
Dear London A: A few months ago my best-friend stopped speaking to me and it is killing me. We have been friends our entire lives. Our friendship survived our teenage years – college in different states, job relocations, and the normal ups and downs life throws our way. However, it wasn’t until I recently got married that our friendship took an unexpected turn for the worse. She was of course, the Matron of Honor in my wedding, but her behavior on my wedding day was more along the lines of Matron of Horror! For starters, she was late to my wedding (which in turned delayed the start thereof); refused to give a toast at my reception because she said she had nothing to say, and then left my reception an hour after it began without telling me! I was so shocked by her behavior because it came out of left field. She was married a few years prior and I made sure her wedding day from start to finish went on without a hitch. I did not get the same courtesy from her on my wedding day. Regardless, as soon as I returned from my honeymoon, I called her to ask what her deal was. She was defensive and angry, telling me I ignored her on my wedding day and she felt like she was no longer important to me. I was in utter shock! I told her I was sorry she felt that way. However, my wedding was about my husband and I – not our friendship. This sent her over the edge. She told me I’d changed and she no longer sees a need for us to be friends and hung up! That was five months ago. I’ve called her since she hung up on me, but she did not answer, nor did she return my call. My husband tells me to let it go, it’s just a friendship and if she doesn’t want to be my friend, oh well – find new ones. I wish it were that easy. She was like a sister to me and I am devastated by the loss. Am I overreacting to losing her friendship? Was I wrong for not being more attentive to her on my wedding day? Should I keep trying to connect with her or let it go? – Sincerely, Pink-Slipped BFF
Dear Pink-Slipped: First, congrats on your recent nuptials! Second, consider this turn of events involving your former best friend a blessing; because she did you a favor by removing her negativity from your life. You didn’t give me any history on if she has acted this way toward you in the past; but since you were completely shocked by her behavior, I will guess not. Whether her behavior was because of jealousy or other unrelated issues in her life, she had no right to take it out on you on our wedding day. Your attention to your husband on your wedding day is nothing you should feel bad about. So many couples get wrapped up in the material effects of a wedding, they forget the true meaning. A wedding is the celebration of love between two people. Her actions towards you were inconsiderate and borderline immature. Are you overreacting because of the loss? I don’t think so. If you two built a sister-like relationship, it is only natural to mourn the loss; especially when it is unexpected. Your love for her was genuine so don’t beat yourself up about missing her friendship. However, eventually, you will have to move on. You cannot make her be your friend if she is choosing not to be. Your husband is half right; find new friends, but take as much time as you need to heal your wounds – because what you have is a broken friendship heart. The last thing you want to happen is to let this situation make you bitter towards developing new friendships. Yes, baggage doesn’t only exist in romantic relationships; it’s a common plague in platonic friendships as well. That’s where bitterness, betrayal, jealousy, and envy live; in baggage carried from one relationship to another. Overall, let your former best friend go without harboring anger in your heart. Luckily, you already have an in-house best friend waiting in the wing… your husband! Smooches!
Do you have questions for London A? Send them to AskLondonA@hauteis.com and get them answered.
Illustration by Nicole Stowers