Ringless in Seattle asks London A: When will we stop playing house?
Dear London A: I have been with the love of my life for the last seven years. We met right out of college through a mutual friend and we have been together since. We are great together. He takes care of our home, is an excellent father to our 3 year-old twin boys and he loves me to no end. I cannot imagine my life without him because I can actually say I have truly found my soul mate. But of course, there is one issue otherwise I wouldn’t be writing to you. My wonderful, seven years, love of my life, father of my kids perfect man is still just that, my man a.k.a my boyfriend! I am not even his fiancé! Every New Year I say to myself “this year he will ask me to marry him.” The next thing I know that year passes and I am still his GIRLFRIEND! My friends say I should throw caution to the wind, buy a ring, and ask him to marry me and I am almost tempted. However, I want him to ask me! I want the planned out, surprise proposal where it ends with me saying yes through tears of joy! But instead our seventh year of being boyfriend and girlfriend has just passed and here I am… Should I give up my dream and ask him to marry me or should I give him an ultimatum to either marry me or set me free? Sincerely, RINGLESS IN SEATTLE
Dear Ringless: I have to ask you a few questions before you make me decide on your relationship fate. Have you and your boo ever discussed what each of your views were about marriage? Does he know how you feel when every year passes and you are still his girlfriend? Does he know that being married is important to you? If not, then I cannot help you unless you tap into your relationship and ask some hard questions to your man. Let’s get real, what you have really been doing in your relationship all this time was auditioning for the role of being his wife and somewhere in the process you thought he would catch the hint. Well some men do and some men don’t and it is clear what category your man is in. With that said, giving him an ultimatum is not my suggestion if he is totally clueless about your desire to be married. I don’t know your boo, but I feel good about saying that no man wants to have to make a decision on the spot about marriage when the woman is threatening him to put a ring on it or split up his family. You help create this situation so don’t get amnesia about how you got to this point in your relationship. Remember you love this man, so do what is right for your family and communicate with him. Get your relationship questions answered! Go to couples counseling so you both can learn the tools it takes to communicate properly with each other.
Now, I must flip the script if you both have had the talk about marriage and discussed the hard questions, and you know he clearly knows your views and desire to be married but he has still done nothing in the years after your talk with him. Unfortunately, there is a strong prediction that you will be waiting seven more years for him to ask you to marry him. I suggest you make a list of the pros and cons of your relationship. If the pros out weigh the cons by a landslide, then go ahead and throw caution to the wind and start planning his surprise proposal. You will find out for sure if he wants to marry you. If you two are in love like you say you are, he will not be a fool and say no. Just make sure you DO NOT have a seven-year engagement!
I wish you all the luck in your love. Smooches!
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